Chronicles of Neuroticism

The Audition

No callback so far… I have to force myself to be like my alter-personality (as Adelaide has become) and say “Whhhateva.” I did my best to impress the director and he wrote something down, but I just don’t know. If I get a chance at a callback, I know I’ll get a part because I am awesome at cold readings. I can just see words on a page and act them out without a problem. I mean, I’m young enough, I can hit the notes, and I have the passion and enthusiasm they are looking for.
Looking back, I can nitpick my audition to bits, but I need to send positive energy towards it….
Man the director was cute… oh well. If I don’t hear anything this week, I’ll still write down the dates for the show and I’ll go to it because it is a great show.

So, straight up, last night Jenn, Josh, Corry, Bryan, and I all stayed at my house and had a few drinks…. okay. A lot of drinks. And I remember a few things very clearly. Like, I was wrapped around Bryan’s arm at one point and his hand was on my leg. And later, we were holding hands, I think. I remember feeling warm and fuzzy, but that was probably the alcohol.
So here’s the truth: I love Bryan, but I don’t trust him. I don’t want to be a girlfriend. I have been sufficiently independent for almost two years and I love it. And I don’t want to do to Katie what she did to me. She deserves it, no doubt, but I am a better person than she is. I have more guts and confidence than she will ever have. But still, she has Bryan.
I don’t deserve to be second best. Allow me to quote from The Last Five Years, one of the best musicals ever written.
“I am a good person. I’m an attractive person. I am a talented person… grant me grace…”

And still… (Wicked) “That’s the girl he chose… he loves her so…
I’m not
that
girl.”